Jane Adlard writes:
The inaugural running of this event took place on a gorgeous summer’s evening, starting and finishing at the Goyt Inn — because nothing says “elite running event” quite like a table full of pints. Nine brave souls took part, several signing up on the night, presumably after doing the maths on the entry fee versus chip prices and deciding it was rude not to.
The challenge: run a 5k rural route and arrive back as close to 7.30pm as possible — no watches, no Garmins, no cheeky glances at your phone. Just you, your legs, and whatever internal chronometer evolution has fitted you with. Whoever nailed 7.30 most precisely would be crowned champion, and would also, more importantly, be confirmed as insufferably good at pacing henceforth. Fish and chips for all afterwards in the Goyt, only a fiver to enter (deducted off your chippy tea), with the Club picking up the rest of the tab — meaning you could, in theory, have gone full lobster*, large chips, gravy, peas, curry sauce AND a pickled egg and still come out ahead.
Kieran and Jane took up their official posts outside the pub — pints in hand, purely for research purposes — to check runners out, welcome them home, guard fiercely against any watch-related skulduggery, and take fish and chip orders like a pair of very committed maître d’s. Entrants trickled off anywhere between 6.30 and 7.05pm depending on their own private pace calculations, ranging from “confident” to “wildly optimistic”.
First home was Pete Fotheringham, romping in at 7.17pm — a full 13 minutes early, technically the worst timing performance of the night, but also, delightfully, his fastest run in ages, so he wasn’t complaining. Next up: Sue Holland (7.19), Paul Hunt (7.21), and hot on his heels, Chris Tetley (7.23). Lorna and Chris Cullen crossed together at 7.25, presumably having had a lovely chat about pace strategy en route.
That left a proper nail-biter between Brian Holland, Mary Jones, and Lucas Jones — three runners who had either genuinely mastered the art of pacing, or spent a solid half hour loitering suspiciously round the corner, eyes fixed on the Mechanics’ Institute clock, waiting for their moment. We may never know. Brian took third at 7.28:38, Mary pipped him for second at 7.28:57, and — by the narrowest of margins — Lucas Jones claimed the win, arriving at the stroke of 7.29:00 dead. A stunning trophy awaits him at the AGM, and frankly he’s earned it.
Fish and chips (sadly, no pickled eggs) had been duly ordered by Kieran, with the Goyt supplying plates and eating irons. With everyone converging on the pub within minutes of each other, it made for a brilliant social afterwards. A thoroughly good night was had by all, and — despite the mysterious lurking near clocks — everyone swore blind they’d do it again.
* The Chippy does not, as far as anyone is aware, serve lobster. This was largely theoretical lobster, offered in the spirit of “you could have,” not “you actually could”. Runners hoping to test this loophole were quietly redirected towards the cod.
| name | finish |
|---|---|
| Lucas Jones | 7:29:00 |
| Mary Jones | 7:28:57 |
| Brian Holland | 7:28:38 |
| Lorna Cullen | 7:25:11 |
| Chris Cullen | 7:25:11 |
| Chris Tetley | 7:23:47 |
| Paul Hunt | 7:21:32 |
| Sue Holland | 7:19:46 |
| Pete Fotheringham | 7:17:16 |